The power of synchronized breathing
The practice of breathing together is a time-honored, traditional way to slow down and tune in with each other. So much of what gets in the way of connection is not taking time to allow our minds to settle, our anxieties to ebb, and our bodies to relax together. What is missing is presence; synchronized breathing is the path there.
The goal in this practice is to coregulate. What is coregulation? It simply means that we are designed to attune to our partners for our deepest sense of safety and ease. Our nervous systems are exquisitely aware of our partners and when we can allow space for our bodies to relax and our minds to settle together, we can find a level of safety which is the foundation for all types of connection.
Arousal and desire are not the goals of the practice. The goal is to slow down, turn inwards, follow the breath, and allow yourself to relax without any pressure to move towards sex or orgasm. There is no where to go, just let yourself be in the sound, movement and sensation of your breath moving together.
You may become aroused because, in fact, this practice can be very hot and sexy. Have a plan for how you will manage arousal and stay present with yourself and your partner in the practice.
This is a vulnerable practice. You may find yourself feeling overwhelmed or crying. This is too is expected. Let your tears flow and see what happens next. Any difficult feelings that come up are also a part of the practice. How can you be with them and begin to share them rather than pushing them away?
You may find yourself feeling awkward and making jokes to ease the tension. Laughter is great and expected at times. But remember to pause and return to the breath. Give yourself permission to settle into a more vulnerable connection with your partner.
How to do the practice
- Create a special container for your practice. Make sure you will have uninterrupted time together. Light a candle, burn an incense, dim the lights, adjust the temperature in the room – do whatever the two of you need to feel that this practice is special or sacred. Set a timer for at least 20-30 minutes.
- You can be naked or clothed to your comfort, skin to skin contact is encouraged.
- Sit or lay down with your partner. Get yourself nice and cozy. Support your partner in doing the same.
- Place a hand on each other’s chest. Feel the rise and fall of their chest and feel into their hand on your chest.
- Slowly allow breaths to synchronize, feel into connection between your bodies as breaths rise and fall together.
- Your breaths will fall out of synchrony at times, just allow them to slowly align again. Notice the difference in how you feel from when they are synched and when they are not.
- As you reach the end of the practice, embrace and feel your breaths moving together.
Ways to mix it up
Take time with each position, remember the goal is to slow down, at least 10 minutes should be allowed for each shift unless one partner requests stopping early.
- One hand on chest, one hand on the lower abdomen
- Pair with eye contact.
- Try circular breathing. In circular breathing, you inhale when your partner exhales, creating a circuit of breath moving between you.
- Try the yab yum position. This is basically when one partner sits in “criss cross apple sauce” and the other partner straddles them with their legs wrapped around their back.
Stay slow, stay connected, stay real. Have fun!
